Medicine Dog and the High Cost of Living

It’s been a while, but today my dead dog, Pathetic Bob, channeled himself through the potted plant next to my desk. “Hey Em, what’s up. I haven’t talked to you lately?” he asked. “Yeah, sorry about that, but I’ve been a little depressed, and now I’m pissed off.” “You sound…

Children’s Birthday Parties–Hours In Hell

For the most part, I like kids. What drives me crazy are children’s birthday parties, four hours of forced fun where toddlers don’t give a shit about anything but candy. Give ’em a rock, a stick, gold nuggets or anything that doesn’t have candy that goes with it, and they…

The Priapism That Wouldn’t Die

So, I was chatting with  Pathetic Bob through the potted plant yesterday, and he blurts out “What a priapism?” “Jesus Bob, are you nuts? You just don’t talk about priapisms on a blog. People don’t want to hear about them, they’re deeply personal and should be talked about in whispers,…

Snorting The Ferret

I know, I know, I’ve been a little grumpy and cranky and given to using language reserved for a  bitch fight. I’m feeling better today though, and I attribute my slight increase in bliss to the fact that I have been inhaling the ferret, otherwise known as Lily. Attribution may…

Pathetic Bob Introduces me to My Dead Mom

I came into the office and Bill the Cat was babbling. Pathetic Bob was trying to get ahold of me, and he seemed excited. “Bob,” I said, “What the hell is going on, you seem so damn excited.?” “Hey Em, I got somebody I want you to meet, and you…

The Guilt Trader on the Train

Brian Flugler was depressed. His head rested on the soft pillow the porter had given him; his eyes searched the monotonous Kansas landscape as it rolled by the window. He sighed. Eddie and Patience Spalding finished their iced tea in the club car and began their search for the compartment…

Pathetic Bob Questions My Liberal Politics

Pathetic Bob was using Bill The Cat as a channel into my office. “Yo, Em, weren’t you once a ’60s liberal?” “Yeah Bob, I guess I was a ’60s liberal, now I’m a ’00s liberal. I am also a Libertarian,  a conservative, an agnostic, a mammal, a damn fine dancer,…

Why Dogs Aren’t Racist And Some Of You Are

When I got home from giving blood today (well, I actually wasn’t giving it, they were taking it), Pathetic Bob was channeling Bill The Cat. I was going to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee when Bob yelled out something racist: “Hey Whitey, drag you honky ass…

The Voices Meeting In My Head Part Two

Today, I held the quarterly board meeting with the voices in my head. Although I am Chairman of the Board, the others have a vote on projects I will undertake and policy positions I will make over the next quarter. Unfortunately, my voice only has one in what I may…

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