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Electroconvulsive Therapy, I Was A Monkey Who Got Shocked

Have you ever had electricity shot through your head to cause convulsions…on purpose.

Medically, it’s called  Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT), and I’ve had it done 38 times in the past 20 years. I didn’t do it to get high, although I could have use a good high about then. I did it because I had a particularly hard case of depression, and meds were not effective. I would cry at birds and lick sandpaper for hours. My doctor decided to try what used to be called “Electricshock Therapy.” Back when it was called that, they did not use anesthesia, just a jolt of two of good old electricity. It could help you or fuck you up. The 38 ECT treatments I underwent did not have any effect on me unless you call lighting my cigarette with my nose an effect.

After the first 19 treatments done in the basement of a hospital, they were discontinued by me Sin favor of peyote and Jack Daniels.or “PeyJack.” Unfortunately, PeyJack therapy could turn you into slick-tongued Gila Monster who garbled a lot of his words.

I found a new psychiatrist a few years later, and I’ve been with him for more than 15 years. He’s a good guy, and he’s treated me with almost every psychopharmaceutical the Food & Drug Administration allows. Some worked for a while, then their efficacy petered out and we’d go on to a new one.

Eventually, It was decided another round of ECT was called for. These  “shock the monkey” sessions, ” were held in a hospital as part of a trial program. After another round of 19 ECT, this time with anesthesia, I still found no relief, I did, however, lose my memories of early childhood. I quit. Several of the shock monkeys stayed on, but I don’t know what happened to them.

I kinda like electricity, it provides power to my electric wine-bottle opener, makes my TV work, and lights up the Christmas tree, but zapping it through my brain has lost its luster. It never made me feel better, but it never made me feel worse. It’s sorta like watching football, it didn’t matter who won or loss, I just liked the excitement.

These days they have other electric-probes types of therapy. From what I understand, It doesn’t cure anyone. But medical science loves electricity, and i”m waiting for the electric enema.

Now, I’m not a doctor,.nor do I play one on General Hospital, but it is my medical belief that loving someone and be loved back has way more power than a probe up your ass.

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