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Search Engine Optimization Is Killing Writing With Analytics

When Pathetic Bob channeled me through Bill the Cat today, he was irate. “You know Em,” he said, “When we started this Blog a few months ago, I thought is was to offer practical advice from a dead dog and to write original weird stories in a flash fiction format.”

“That’s right, Bob, and I think we’ve been doing that.

“We had been doing that,” he shot back. “Now, it seems we are writing stories strictly for Search Engine Optimization placement. I didn’t even know what Search Engine Optimization was until a few days ago, and now it seems to be killing our originality and the kind of stories we do. We’re writing words that resonate with search engines like Google, Chrome and others. If you don’t put in the right words, they’ll ignore you and send your blog to the back of the line, and people won’t be able to find you easily.”

I thought for a few minutes, SEO. “You’re right about having to write words attractive to the Google algorithms, but it’s a small price to pay for leading people to our site where maybe they’ll read what we write.”

“But words are important when you’re writing absurd, wonky stories. I don’t imagine there’s a horde of people wanting to read about toads, talking ducks, bizarre dreams, or me getting naked.”

“I don’t think that’s true Bob, I believe there are plenty of folks who need a little wonky diversion in their hum-drum lives. They want to walk on the wild side for a few minutes, Don’t underestimate the number of semi-lunatics out there. Hey, Trump got elected.”

‘Hey, Bob, you’ll have to excuse me for a while; I’m starting to write drunk again. See you in a bit.’

“Ah Jeez.” ……..

“OK Bob, I”m back and sober. You’ve got to understand, in today’s world, everything is run by algorithms, and SEOs are just part of it. We use a software package that not only seeks out SEO stuff, it also analyzes focus keywords, meta descriptions, keyword density, “stop words,” and how long the title should be.”

“See, that’s my point. We’re so worried that we get the bullshit tech stuff right, we’re concentrating on that crap and not the story.”

I sighed. “The thing is, if we don’t worry about them, we’ll end up at the back of the train with websites such as ‘Knitting in Manitoba’, or ‘Ear wax puppets,’ or ‘Medicinal use for phlegm.’ Would you rather someone read your story or linger with the lame?”

“I guess I can see a positive reason for geek tools, but I still don’t understand the process.”

“I don’t either, that’s why we have my brilliant nephew Brian to guide us through the maze. The only problem is, he won’t talk on the phone. We have to communicate through e-mails. Sometimes it could take days to get him to answer a question.”

“What is he, a hermit?”

“Sort of, but he’s a brilliant hermit. And, he gets grumpy if you ask too many questions. I don’t think he realizes how stupid we are.”

“Well, we may be stupid when it comes to tech matters, but we are friggin’ outstanding when it comes to weirdness. I guess that’s why we’re writing this post. We need to demystify some of this stuff if we want to get a lot of visitors. Handing out business cards just ain’t gonna do it by itself

“OK, we’ll give it a try then.”

“Fine, I’m gonna use one of those “stop words” now. STOP! Please, let’s find something more interesting to write about.”

“Next time, Bob. Now, I need a drink.”

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5 thoughts on “Search Engine Optimization Is Killing Writing With Analytics

  1. Love it. Wow, I didn’t realize that even search engines had so much power.

    Brian, help the man out.

    Pam

    1. I think he’s doing his best.

  2. Code is Poetry.

  3. o, I visited for the first time yesterday. You have a nice sight, I’m sure I’ll be back. I volunteered for a rescue place here for 5 years. Take Care.

  4. I’m informed the only way to beat SEO is to have a million fetid lemurs type randomly on keyboards until they produce the entire collected works of Ogglebuzi Goblschnot. This so excites the pseudo-intellectual denizens of the Interwebs that it fries Google algorithms entirely and becomes the only thing available, no matter what you search for – even “pre-Victorian polka-dot knickers.” For pseuds who cavil that the lemurs should have produced instead the complete works of William Shakespeare, the answer is obvious – that’s been written already, so why would they?

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