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Why Dogs Aren’t Racist And Some Of You Are

When I got home from giving blood today (well, I actually wasn’t giving it, they were taking it), Pathetic Bob was channeling Bill The Cat. I was going to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee when Bob yelled out something racist: “Hey Whitey, drag you honky ass in here for a minute.”

I could have ignored him but my curiosity got the better of me. “Wazz up dog?” I said entering the office and playing along with Bob’s street-lingo serenade.

“Jeez Em, you gotta stop trying to act cool. Cool left your house back in the ’70s.”

“Fine Bob, I was just going with your flow. Why were you talking to me like that?”

“I was just practicing some racial epithets,” he said

“Why? They are offensive, and if you keep it up, I’m gonna have to cut the Bill the Cat connection.”

“Hell Em, they’re all over the place, the internet, movies, books, everywhere. They are not only offensive, they are defensive as well, a counter-verbal insurgency if you will. It is amazing how much words can inflame people.”

I nodded my head, “That’s true Bob, we tend to give way too much power.”

“No, we don’t. Humans do. The whole word power thing would be highly amusing if it weren’t for the tragic consequences that could arise from using one of them. I mean, if someone calls me a dog, even in a negative tone, I really don’t take offense. I am a dog, but the negative way they say it is supposed to make me believe that being a dog is somehow inferior. I don’t think that therefore it doesn’t get me pissed. Actually, the person that calls me a dog and tries to make it sound derogatory is the inferior one.”

“I know what you mean Bob. I’m an asshole, and it really doesn’t bother me when other people call me one. But, you know Bob, humans aren’t like the rest of the mammals; they don’t seem to know what they are, so they’ll listen to anybody who has an opinion, even if that opinion is based on fear, misunderstanding, and insecurity.

“It’s just weird, “said Bob, “homo sapiens pretty much hold dominion over every other species on the planet, but it doesn’t seem to be enough for them. First of all, they learned to kill animals to survive, and now they enjoy killing themselves because they don’t all look the same. Humans keep trying to live outside of nature, and it keeps screwing them up. If that wasn’t bad enough, you fuckers got the bright idea of selective breeding of my species so you could try to split the canine world apart. Luckily, it didn’t work. We are still nature-based creatures and realize whether you call us Poodles, bulldogs, or Italian greyhounds, we are all the same inside. Bullshit names have no meaning for us.”

“Are you saying that humans should embrace their inner mammal and not worry about labels and stereotypes?”

“No, you ignorant bi-pod, that is not what I’m saying. I am saying that unless all of you honkies, niggers, spics, wops, slopes, rag heads, hebes, mackerel snappers, Zen-hens, redskins, frogs, chinks, limeys, and fags quit dicking around and realize your need and wants and physiology are basically the same, and you need to work together, or your species is doomed.”

“Damn, Bob, that’s a pretty bleak assessment.”

“You are a pretty bleak species if you keep up with this racism crap.”

2 thoughts on “Why Dogs Aren’t Racist And Some Of You Are

  1. I’m surprised and hurt that there wasn’t a mention of a Mick or Paddy in his quadruped vocabulary !

    1. That was out of deference to my friend

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