As soon as the deadbolt slid into place, and they were sure she was out for the night, Henrik Mussman leather sofa spoke up. “Listen up,all of you, I can’t stand it anymore, and I know some of you feel the same way.. It’s been going on for far too long, I say it’s time we put and end to it.”
“I’m pretty disgusted too,” said the $12,000 Machenspeil sideboard, “but what do you suggest we do.”
Several other pieces, including the Rococo hall table. the Tienda floor lamp and am 18th-century Gruble side chair,”Yeah, the situation is deplorable, but what can wee do about it, we’re only furniture.?
“Well,” said the sofa, “I cost $35,000, and she treats me like a cum towel. I’m tired of her leaking on me all the time.”
“Me too,” said a voice fro the bedroom, which everyone know was the oversize Van Allen bed. “She dresses me in these atrocious flowered sheets and let’s the little dog piss on me. Something must be done.”
“I’ll do it “Wait a minute, just wait a minute,” piped up the Diane Von Furstenburg dining table,I don’t really have any problems with her. Sure, there was the one time she had sex on me with that
Greek kid and didn’t bother to wipe up, but that was it. I don’t think we should do anything drastic. And, I think we should leave the little dog out of it. Poor thing, the way she treats it, dressing it up in those silly clothes and all, no wonder the dog has mental problems. It’s not his fault, so let’s be fair.”
The sofa coughed and said, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. We’ll let the dog go for reasons of insanity, but not her, she’s going to pay, and pay dearly.
Some of the knick-knacks disagreed, and they were by the chandelier in the foyer, but the sofa said, “Their opinion doesn’t count because they were simply decorations and couldn’t really be considered furniture.”
Finally, the old, hand-woven, $70,000 Oriental rug spoke up. “Look, I’ve been here the longest, and I’ve seen a lot. I don’t mind that she walks all over me,, and I don’t
mind she has sex on me, but I absolutely draw the line at the leaking thing. It’s just rude and disrespectful. I say we kill her.”
A hush fell over the room. Some of the furniture had been thinking the same thing, but were reluctant to voice their opinions. Since the idea had been brought up, a murmur of approval arose.”Yeah, let’s whack her,” said the coffee table. “It’s not as though s he has an important job or something. Does she even have a job?”
“She’s a celebrity,” offered the ottoman, “a leaking celebrity. It’s time for her to go.”
A vote was taken, and Paris Hilton’s furniture decided to murder her. “But, how do we do it”? asked the rug.
“I’ll do it,” proclaimed the sofa. “The next time she sits on me, I’ll clasp my arms around her and smother her to death.
“But she’ll leak all over you, warned the armchair.
“That’s OK, it’ll be the last time,” said the sofa.
The floor lamp sounded a not of caution, “What if you get caught,”
“Hey,” said the sofa,”I’m not worried about that. If I get caught, what are they foing to do, reupholster me.?””