Pathetic Bob contacted me this morning. He used Bill the Cat as his medium. I’m beginning to think Bill is enjoying his role as a channel for the dead.
Anyway, Bob asked me, “Why did you kill me?”
Damn, I was hoping this question would never come up. But, he asked, and now I had to answer. Here’s the thing Bob, technically, I didn’t kill you, the vet did.”
“Obfuscation.” he charged. “Who made the decision to kill me?”
“Well Bob, I admit that it was a joint decision between me and Mrs. Em. You were sick. You had cancer and were in a lot of pain. Mrs. Em and I decided Euthanasia was the best course of action.”
“Euthanasia? That sounds like a young pop group from Japan,” he quipped.
“I don’t think that’s right. Euthanasia is a euphemism for ‘mercy killing.’” Oh, please let this end. But no, that didn’t happen.
“All that I remember is I was there, and then I wasn’t. At least it didn’t hurt.”
“I’m happy to hear that Bob. Anyway, it turned out to be a good thing, huh? You told me that were you are, it’s great–no pain, great food and new friends. By the way, what does it look like were you are? Are there people wearing white robes and walking around on clouds?”
“No, this place isn’t anything like human’s conception of the afterlife. It’s quite vivid. There are lots of colors, sweet aromas and music by Aerosmith, Bruno Mars and Journey. Hey, whatever happened to Steve Perry, the lead singer for Journey?”
“Just a minute and I’ll look him up on Google…According to the Big G, he’s alive and well and raising horses in Arizona.”
“Too bad the band isn’t recording anymore. I loved his voice.”
“We’re starting to deviate from the death subject. Let me ask you Em, are you gonna die, too?”
“Eventually. But I’d like to visit Japan again, just to hear that pop band.”
“So, back to the death thing. What did you do with my body?”
“Well…uh…we had you cremated.”
“What! You not only killed me, but you torched me as well?”
“It’s not so bad Bob. You were already dead so you didn’t feel anything. Besides, when I expire, I’m gonna be cremated as well. Then I’ll have the urn containing my ashes buried right next to you in the backyard.”
“Jeez, that’s a big comfort.”
“It’s not a bad thing Bob. After I die, I’m gonna head to where you are, and we can be together again.”