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Pathetic Bob’s Naked Therapy

OK, so I’m at my desk and decide to check in on Pathetic Bob, my dead dog. I pulled the potted plant close, I grabbed a leaf and put it to my ear. I got through right away, and Bob sounded excited.

“Hey Em,” he shouted,”guess what? come on, come guess what?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” I said.”Did something good happen to you?”

“You bet, I’m naked, I’m naked, I’m naked! Wow, it feels really great.”

Admittedly, Bob has surprised me before, but I never expected something like this. “Whoa, whoa, Bob, you were already naked, how could you become naked again?”

“Ha! I was never really naked. Sure, the skin around my genitals was naked, but most of the rest of me was covered in hair. I had Kieth the Duck shave me, and now I’m really naked. Gloriously naked.”

“Well, just why do you want to be naked?”

“Because I’ve never been naked before, I wanted the experience.”

“I get that, but being naked is not as great as you might think.”

“Why, I don’t see any problems.”

“Take a look around you, Bob. Do you see any other animals or humans naked?”

Bob took a minute. “Well, now that you mention it,”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Uh,,,a little silly I guess. I feel eyes on me, and it’s uncomfortable.”

“Well, there you go. Being naked can be great fun, but being naked in front others is often embarrassing. Getting naked in front of the right person can be spectacular, but you’ll find you don’t want to see them naked all the time, except the Victoria’s Secret underwear models.”

“Hmm, maybe I’ll talk to the sheep about borrowing some wool until my hair grows back.”

“Not a bad plan, Bob. Hey, listen, I wanted to tell you I went to my therapist yesterday.”

“Oh, your knee been acting up?

“No, not that kind of therapist, a mind therapist. A psychologist, His name is Doctor Y.”

“Doctor Y? Is he Chinese?”

“No. I just didn’t want to give his full name, you know, so people won’t bother him. You would find him and convince him to tell me weird things about myself. He’s a cognitive behavioral therapist, and I want you to leave him alone.”

“That sounds fancy, what does he do to you?”

“You’re being intrusive Bob. I’m not sure I want to go there with you.”

“Do you get naked and talk about mind stuff?”

“No, no, it’s not like that at all. It’s talk therapy, but we both wear out clothes.He kinda tries to find irrational or catastrophic thinking on my part and redirect my thinking into a more positive direction.”

“Do you pay this guy money?”

“Well…yes I do. It’s money well spent. Anyway, I told him about my recent reconnection with you, and he thinks it is a positive step.”

“He knows about me?”

“Yes, I’ve told him quite a bit about you.”

“And he knows I’m dead?”

“That’s right.” I was a little indignant.

“OK Em, let me make sure I’ve got this straight. You’re paying money to this guy, I mean “doctor,” to let you talk to him about all your weirdness. And, this doctor thinks it’s a good thing that you are talking to a dead dog, that it is somehow beneficial for you to channel me through a potted plant leaf and talk to me and my friend Keith, a dead duck. That this is all for the betterment of your mental health?”

“Well, that’s kinda what he implied.I think he’s right. I feel better talking to you and Kieth.”

“Em, you are one crazy mother. But don'[t stop coming around…it keeps me sane.”




2 thoughts on “Pathetic Bob’s Naked Therapy

  1. Therapist are like that you know !

    1. Thanks for your comment Joe.

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