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The Priapism That Wouldn’t Die

So, I was chatting with  Pathetic Bob through the potted plant yesterday, and he blurts out “What a priapism?”

“Jesus Bob, are you nuts? You just don’t talk about priapisms on a blog. People don’t want to hear about them, they’re deeply personal and should be talked about in whispers, behind closed doors.”

Bob laughed. “You’re kidding, right? We talk about all kinds of stuff here, what’s the big deal with priapisms? And, now you’ve got my curiosity up, and I demand to know.”

“Demand? You demand? Who are you to demand anything?”

“Me? I’m your dead dog; I’m your spectral companion; I’m the one who listens to your shit. So give, what’s a priapism?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll tell you if you stop saying that word.”


“Okay. You see when a man–especially older men–can’t get a woody….”

“A ‘woody’?” Are you kidding me? Just call it what it is, an erection.”

“Look, Bob, I don’t want to have this conversation anyway, so let me explain in my own words.”

“Touchy aren’t we?”

“Shut up. So, sometimes a man can’t get a woody and resorts to medication to help things along.”

“You’re talking about erectile dysfunction, aren’t you?”

“I’m warning you, I’ll stop right here if you keep interrupting.”

“Fine, fine, fine. Go on.”

“So, a man might take an erectile dysfunction medication such as Viagra or some other pill or whatever. If he gets a woody, then he makes the beast with two backs with his partner, and when he’s finished, the woody goes away, and he goes out to paint the fence or something. Sometimes, the woody doesn’t subside, and that’s called a priapism.

“You mean like on the TV commercials, ‘if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, get to the hospital or it may fall off.'”

“It’s not gonna fall off, but serious medical bullshit can happen.:

“What do they do at the hospital?”

“How would I know. Remember we’re just talking hypothetically.”

“Come on, Em, you know.”

“Well, I’ve heard that they might come in with big fucking needles and numb your thing and then drain off the blood that’s trapped in your woody.”

“Jesus, you’re making me sick.”

“If that doesn’t work, then they shoot you full of morphine, and boom, it reverts back to its normal condition…hypothetically”

“Em, I think you know way too much about this for not knowing anything about this.”



2 thoughts on “The Priapism That Wouldn’t Die

  1. Knowing to much is a good thing sometime!!

  2. OMG. Well, it worked. You got our attention. Learn something every day with Bob hanging around your house.

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